Love is not part of me...yet

I'm going to write with honesty here.I like a girl.A lot.I don't know if she noticed it but I think she didn't.She's cute,absolute adorable.Seeing smile on her face is enough to make me happy for the rest of the day.Each time I on my skype her nameusually the one that I search first,so that I chat with her.Hahaha!!!
But there are many problems that coming up.First,I don't think she'll ever gonna open her heart for me.I think.Because I have nothing that is special.I'm not handsome,rich or even smart.There is nothing that I have that can make a girl fall for.
Second,of my characteristics.My childish,happy-go-lucky character.I always act like I am 15 year old.I like to make friends,especially with girls.Hehehe.Once they become my friends,sometimes,ok,all of the times I was excited just by running into them.No matter where I see them,I intend to say "Hai" and "Yo".For me,it's just to be friendly.But my girl fiends says it is not good if I were to have girlfriend.I'll make her jealous.But I cannot stop doing that and I won't.It is part of me.
Third,I don't think I can manage to have a girlfriend right now.I need to balance my life as a student and as a commitee member in few clubs.I am bloody hell busy for the past two weeks.I barely have time to study.Moreover,I'm the type who put work first.So,even if I do have a girlfriend,I probably not going to spend a lot of time with her like any other boyfriend treat their girlfriend.I probably gonna be the worst boyfriend in the world if I were one.Hahaha!!!
But the main thing is that I never dare to take the step to say "I like you a lot.More than a friend.Can you open your heart to accept mine?".
Should I or should I not to have girlfriend?
Time will tell me the answer,just not now.

Convocation

Well,today was the first time I went for a convocation.For the early part of it,I felt very excited.It was crowded with families.To see all the graduates' parents waiting patiently to watch their child to received their scroll of degree.Looking at those faces,I was wondering how will my parents be.I wanna see myself up on the stage taking my scroll while my parents watch my from the the floor.I really do.

Then,we qued to get into the hall.It was superb.The hall was nicely decorated as any other formal events.Yes,it was formal.Because the prince of Pahang was involved.After that,it got extremely boring.We waited until a quater past 10 am before the ceremony started.

It was the graduates who enter the hall first.Next was the academic staff and finally the high people including the prince himself.

After 2 dreadfully boring hours as I was yawning a couples of times past,the ceremony was finally over.

I do not want to go to any other convocation anymore unless it is mine.hahahaha

3rd Disappointment...

A new has begun and a lot can happen within this 365 days.I don't know why but starting a few days ago,I started to feel angry.As time passed I got even worse.And the worst part is I don't know whom or what I'm angry at .But yesterday I realised that I was angry with myself.The reason is my bad pointer for last semester.I only got 3.08.yeah,I'm suppose to be grateful that I manage to get passed 3 but I'm just not satisfied with myself.Most of the people around me got more excellent result.Majority pass 3.5.When I knew my result,my feelings was just neutral.but I can see that my parents were happy with my result.But When I knew that most of my friends got above 3.5,I was really disappointed.It made me to recall the day that I received my matriculation results.I was in total shocked when I looked at my result.At the time,I felt so disappointed.I couldn't even dare to look at my parents although that they said,"It's ok."I know that they were disappointed with me too.I didn't look at my parents face for three.But,as people says,"Time heals everything."But,the truth is,it never did heal me.The wound is still here.And it bleed again now.I don't know how to forgive myself.I'm not sure wheater I don't know how or I can't or I won't.That's what made me angry.